How to build confidence & Self-esteem

As with a lot of things, it’s best to start this in childhood, with your own children, as the earlier you start to build confidence, the better. Imagine how much happier your child will be as they realise they can do anything they put their mind to. Confidence helps you to develop the growth mindset needed to be able to tackle anything.

This is especially important when it comes to body confidence. You want your child to grow up into an adult who has no issues with their body and is happy with who they are without having to resort to things like plastic surgery.

How to build confidence and self-esteem step by step

I wasn’t always confident. The truth is, when I was a child, right up until I was in my early twenties, I had zero confidence! When I was little, a dodgem accident meant all my teeth were smashed and, when they grew back,  there was no other word to describe them except for ‘goofy’. I had severe acne at school and the fact my mum decided to give me a bowl-head haircut didn’t help either! Imagine how hard it was for a teenager like me to have confidence when they had nothing going for them looks wise!  

Sort out your appearance – One of the first things to do, if you want to feel more confident, is to sort out your appearance I’m not saying you have to be vain about it and I know that changing things on the outside won’t help you feel better if lack of confidence is linked to other underlying issues, but if you know it’s just your teeth or your spots that are making you lack confidence, see if you can do something about it. I got a brace and it was one of the best things I ever did to help my confidence. It was horrible being too ashamed to smile! Nowadays, I lack confidence in certain situations, such as job interviews or speaking in public, but I feel confident most of the time.

Force yourself to be in the spotlight- I often find lack of confidence is linked to shyness and it’s really a fear of being noticed and judged. It’s a real worry about what other people will think of you so sometimes it’s best to just hide away. This is a shame as it stops you doing things that may help yourself – and others to.

Two ways I got over my shyness was to study drama and to work behind a bar in a rugby club – I promise you that you’ll soon get over your shyness and lack of confidence! Put yourself in social situations as often as you can as this forces you to have conversations and doing this helps you realise that everyone lacks confidence, to a certain extent, and they worry about the same things – you’re not alone!

Step three – focus on your achievements

A great confidence booster is to focus on all those things you’ve already achieved. If you’ve passed exams, or won sports trophies or helped raise money for charity – whatever, it is that makes you feel good about yourself will help give you a confidence boost. Lack of confidence is linked to not feeling good enough but if you take a look at the things you’ve already achieved it will give you the motivation to achieve more.

Step four – don’t compare yourself to others

Stop comparing yourself to others. I always find that when we do this it’s always the people who seem to be doing so much better than we are that we compare ourselves too!

One thing I’ve learned, as I’ve grown older, is that a lot of what people put out there is not what’s really going on. I’ve lost count of the number of people, who seemed to have the perfect relationship, who’ve confessed they’ve been miserable for years – it happens all the time- people always put the best (and touched-up) photos of themselves on Social Media. Most of it isn’t real so don’t compare yourself like that. You’re perfect just as you are and you don’t have to be classically pretty,thin or rich to be confident – in fact, a lot of celebs are some of the most insecure people on the planet!


I hope this has helped. The best way to start being confident now is to just act like you think a confident person would act. Once you start doing this, it will become second nature and you’ll wonder what stopped you all of these years,

Need more help? Try this self-help program by a respected personal development professional –